


When We Were Young

by haatorii



Series: 25: A Destiel Story [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Break Up, I dont know how to tag, M/M, Post-Break Up, hung up, i am so new to this, still holding on to feelings, wait, what
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-12 21:36:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10499931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haatorii/pseuds/haatorii
Summary: Eleven years passed and Castiel still can't get over his breakup with Dean.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This work is unbeta'd. All the grammar mistakes are mine, and I don't really know what I'm doing. This is my first time to post anything online. I know I still have to work on my writing skills and I hope I get better but this is all I can do right now. I would say "enjoy?" but it's really up to you.

They were both 25 when they ended it. 

No one saw it coming, really. Dean and Castiel had been together since they were fourteen. A bit young for some, but for the both of them, they knew they were old enough to take on the world. As long as they were together they could face anything.

. They were each other’s strength and weakness. 

Their friends worshiped their romance as if their love was the foundation of everything they knew in the world. They complete each that Dean was not just Dean, and Castiel was not just Castiel anymore.

Both of them were hopefuls. Both of them were dying to build a future with each other, but nothing ever really happens the way we wanted them, right? 

No one saw it coming, only Cas did, and he never did anything that could’ve save what they have.

 

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Castiel Milton, now 36, was still the same as before. Sure, he was making more money now as the chairperson of the Mythology department in a prestigious university, but he still had that raven-black hair that looked like someone ran their hands through it a couple of times, and a stare that usually made strangers and his students uncomfortable.

He also moved to a new city a couple of years ago. He had his own 3-bedroom apartment, a small library, even a pet cat he named Meg. He’s still in touch with his old friends from when he was still young, and even donates money every year to his old high school.

Castiel was doing better than what he thought he would have when Dean left him. 

 

It’s 9 pm and it’s the anniversary since they broke up, and although more than a decade had passed, Cas still mourned about it. He mourned the mornings that he and Dean could’ve woken up together, the date nights that they could’ve had, the fights, the angry sex, the make-up sex, the soft kisses, Christmases, Thanksgivings, and all the holidays and anniversaries that they could’ve but never had. Maybe it’s the reason why he was all alone in this “special” night. Maybe that’s one of the the reasons why he never dated again. Who was he kidding, of course that’s the only reason. He can’t let go. For eleven fucking years he cannot let go of his love for Dean fucking Winchester. 

It was unhealthy. Oh yes, he knew it was unhealthy. Every year, when April comes, his friends remind him to stop going to Crossroads. His mom calls for the same reason, actually. Last year his sister flew from Germany to try and distract him from hanging around the said bar but nothing happened. It had become a routine now. Sometimes he forgets the reason why he’s at the Crossroads, but at the end of the day he remembers. And he hates himself all over again. Not as severe as before but still. 

He’s had two bottles of beer and was now nursing his first whiskey of the night. Dean and Cas first went inside the Crossroads when they were 18 and had been going there almost every weekend until they broke up. Castiel never stopped coming though. The owners knew them, mainly because they always take the first booth at the right of the counter. After they broke up Castiel started sitting at the far left, by the supply room. 

In the first few months, Jody asked why he was alone. He just laughed and said it was a long story. Jody never asked him again, and with that Castiel was very thankful.

It’s now 10:43 PM. Castiel was getting ready to go home when the doors of Crossroads opened and almost jumped when he heard the loud voices of the men wearing suits. He drank his whiskey in one go then stood up.

“Dean fucking Winchester! Congratulations, you ass!”

Castiel’s turned his head so fast he almost had a whiplash and sat back down again. Good thing it was dark inside the bar. 

_Shit._

“Thanks, man!”

“Dean! Congratulations!” 

“Hey, bitch! How’s Madison?”

“You jerk. Madison is great. I can’t believe you knocked up Lisa,” The man walked behind Castiel, good thing they didn’t notice him. “Let’s go get a booth.”

He could hear the biggest smile in the voice of the other man.

“There, the one closest to the counter.” 

 

Castiel scoffed then ordered another bottle. _He still remembered our booth_ , he thought. It wouldn’t hurt to drink another one, it’s Sunday after all.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Dean and Castiel’s relationship was backed up by everyone. Ever since Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Sam, and Dean moved in their neighborhood when both boys were practically toddlers, Dean and Castiel were inseparable. Later on, when Sam was 3 and Jo was 2, the four of them were like celebrities; everyone knew them and look after them.

The day everyone found out about Dean and Castiel’s love, they were on full support, especially Sam. Dean wouldn’t be with Cas if it weren’t for Sam after all, and it was for Sam too why Dean broke up with Castiel. To give him the “normal life” he thought his younger brother deserved. For years, Sam kept pushing Dean back to Castiel, but Dean was a stubborn piece of shit. Sam only stopped trying when his brother introduced him to Lisa two years ago. Sure, Sam wanted Castiel to be his brother-in-law but now that he’s having a niece, he thought maybe a sister wouldn’t be that bad.

 

“So, when’s the wedding?” Sam asked, grinning.

“Probably next year. I don’t know. We haven’t thought much about it. What about you? When are you going to get your big head of yours out of your ass and propose to Madison?”

“Har har. It’s not in our plans yet. But I already bought a ring, if you’re asking.”

“Yeah! That’s what I’m talking about!” Dean punched Sam on the shoulders and stood up. “I’ll get the first round, you get the next.” Then Dean was walking towards Castiel.

 

“Excuse me, Balthazar, do you still have anything light to eat? Nuts, if you may? I’ll have those. Thank you.” Castiel said.

“Sure.”

“Hey, uh,” He looked at the bartender’s name tag, “Balthazar? Can I have three beers, please? Whatever’s on the tap. Thanks.”

 

Castiel was totally taken aback by the sudden appearance of Dean, but he can feel Dean’s warmth through his coat jacket. They were so close, and it was the first time he had been this close to Dean since the last sex they had when they broke up.

 

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Castiel had caught Dean in the middle of sex with a woman inside their bedroom. He didn’t even had the common sense and courtesy to do it in a motel room or even in their guest room. It had had to be in their bedroom. The one they shared together since they were twenty.

After the woman got out of their apartment, Castiel almost collapsed to the floor.

“That was Bela, wasn’t it?”

Dean didn’t answer.

“Again, that was Bela, wasn’t it,” the accusation dripping in his voice.

“Yes. It was Bela.”

“You’re fucking your colleague.” The malice in Castiel’s voice made Dean flinch.

“No.. it’s not like that. I--”

“What’s ‘not like that’, Dean?” Mocking, ha. _So classy_ , Castiel thought.

Dean had never moved so fast in his life. Even he was surprised how fast he moved to get to Castiel’s spot on the floor. He then caressed his boyfriend’s face.

“Hey babe, babe, babe, look at me. I’m sorry, okay? It won’t happen again.” And he kissed Castiel’s forehead.

“How long has this been going on?”

“Not for long, I promise.”

“Do you think I didn’t notice? Do you think I didn’t notice the stink of sex in this goddamn house when I come home from studying my ass off? God, Dean, I know you’re a fucking genius but I’m not stupid.”

“No, fuck, of course I don’t think that. I.. ah.. I didn’t mean to--”

“Then why?! Why are you sleeping around? Do you always fuck them in OUR bedroom when I’m out?”

“It’s only a few times--”

“A few times?! Jesus.”

Tears can’t help but fall from his eyes. A few times, he repeated in his mind. He’d screwed people on their bed only a few times.

If Castiel can help it he wouldn’t cry, and seeing him cry was making Dean panic. He placed his hands again on his boyfriend’s temples. 

“But hey, you know I love you, right? There’s no one else but you, Cas. You know that.”

“I don’t even know anymore, Dean,” he was shaking his head and pulling his hair. ”Why do you still keep on lying? I know that you’ve been messing around for months, I just want to know how long. Why can’t you just say it?”

“Because I don’t want to lose you, Cas! And I know you’ll hate me if I tell you!”

“Then why did you?!”

“I don’t know. I don’t know.” And Dean started to cry. Castiel almost wanted to laugh, a grown man in his boxers standing in the middle of a living room in broad daylight while crying? It was a pretty funny sight. Now was not the time to laugh, but he did anyway.

“You should know, Dean,” he whispered. “You should know why.”

Castiel had suspicions. He knew that Dean wasn’t gay, at the very least he’s bisexual. He knew when they were still young that he’s gay, but Dean never disclosed any information about his sexuality, and when they got together he put the issue back in his mind. He never got to visit the subject again since they’ve been with each other almost all their lives. 

“I want kids.” Dean said, finally.

“Dean we talked about this, we could--”

“And I want a family, Cas,” he continued. “And.. and I don’t know. I love you and I know I want to be with you for the rest of my life, but at the same time I don’t…”

Ah, there it is. He said to himself. Castiel closed his eyes and focused on the pain in his chest. 

He knew Dean had wanted children. He never failed to let Cas know that he wanted children someday. He practically raised Sam after all. Dean and Sam lived with Bobby and Ellen when their father left them for another woman. And even though the couple loved them like they were their own, Dean didn’t want to burden them forever so he started working at 15 by waiting tables and washing cars. He saved every penny he made for Sam. If he could, he wouldn’t ask Ellen or Bobby for money. Dean was also exceptionally smart so all the allowances from his scholarships goes straight to the bank, all for Sam. 

Castiel didn’t hear the rest of what Dean had to say. He didn’t want to hear the rest so he just pulled him in and kissed him hard and started to unbutton his clothes. He knew that he can’t do anything anymore, and he loved Dean so much to deprive him of what he wants in his life. Dean had enough pain and heartbreak, and if letting him go was the only way Castiel is going to make him happy, then so be it. 

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

As the minutes passed by the bar got a bit noisy because of Dean and his colleagues. Still the life of the party, he thought. He looked around and sure, the few people in the bar were looking at Dean like they knew him all along. It was true, Dean was the life of the party, even before. He was a charming little shit and with a face like him, sandy blond hair, sparkling green eyes, and a splatter of freckles across his nose, he was adorable. One of the many reasons why Castiel loved him dearly.

Dean was the most beautiful person Castiel had ever seen in his life. He was the kindest, even when he showed it in a different way. He was the most protective and caring, even if sometimes they fight because of it. He was the most appreciative, and sometimes even depreciating his own accomplishments just to make his loved ones feel proud of theirs, especially Sam. Dean was his sunshine in a storm, his oasis in the middle of a desert. Dean was his Elysium. Dean was the personification of all the good things in life and Castiel loves him so much it scares the shit out of him.

Castiel chuckled a little bit when he remembered how Dean would always charm his way out of late assignments and projects. Dean’s professors knew he was a brilliant student and once he said he would pass it on a certain date, by hook or by crook, he would pass it.  
He remembered the time when Dean helped Castiel out when their neighbor’s dog ate his paper (true story) that was due on that day. Castiel’s professor almost didn’t believe the clichéd excuse but still extended the deadline for him just because of Dean. 

 

Around 12 midnight, Castiel moved to a small table by the corner. He wanted to see Dean. He wanted to see how much he’d changed, how tall Sam had grown, but mostly how Dean was doing. Dean was telling a story of how he and his fiancee had met. It was probably hilarious since everyone was laughing, even the people behind them were obviously listening to the conversation. He envied them. He wanted to come closer but he can’t, not without the risk of being seen. Castiel couldn’t subject Dean into his feelings again, not when he looked so happy and contented with his life.

If Dean was alone, he would’ve approached him because everything inside the stupid bar was reminding of the people they used to be and everything they’ve gone through, and he hated himself for it. He hated the fact that he can still remember everything vividly. He hated the fact that sometimes when he’s alone with his thoughts he could still feel Dean’s warmth around him, that he could still feel the other man’s kisses every night. 

Right now he was scared. This particular day of April was the only day he could think about his life. He never thought he would see Dean this very single day. He was scared he might to go and hug him, or talk to him and just clear things up, once and for all, but he can’t. And he won’t. He promised himself that going to the bar was the only thing he’d indulged himself. He won’t contact Dean or Sam, or even find them. He had the talk to himself years ago, which frankly he kept on repeating every year, that if he would see Dean he’d just walk away and never approach him. 

He was now regretting the pep talk. He wanted to take photos, but doing so would just make him a creep.

 

When a beautiful lady went inside and walked straight towards Dean and the others, Castiel’s heart sank. God, she was beautiful. Of course she was beautiful. Dean deserved nothing else. He thought about the past eleven years he’d been mourning. Then the eleven happiest years of his life. He always thought that Dean would eventually come back to him, guess he was wrong. He realized he was the only one stuck in this void, and that Dean had moved on a long time ago. Maybe it’s time for him to move on too.

He had always suspected that he’d moved on already, but maybe, just maybe, for the sake of routine and familiarity, he continued his annual ritual.

Castiel drank the remaining of his beer and picked up his coat and bag and walked straight ahead to the door and to his car. He never looked back. Not even when Balthazar called out his name to say goodbye. And certainly not even when Dean realized whose name the bartender just called out.

**Author's Note:**

> What
> 
>  
> 
> Feedbacks are really appreciated. Pls. pls help me.
> 
> If you noticed, I really like commas.


End file.
